Three Tips for Better Self-Managment

Your Clear Next Step

We need to start with self-awareness (my voice carries; I move at a fast pace; I talk with my hands; I laugh when I’m nervous), and then move on to self-management.    Self-awareness is acknowledging who we are as individuals – our strengths, weaknesses, challenge areas, etc. But self-management is the next step we have to take, especially when we’re sharing space with other humans.    It’s the golden rule: we must manage ourselves just as we would expect others to manage themselves.   Here are three tips for applying self-management in your day-to-day communications. See if any of these apply to you or inspire you to find your own self-management technique.    1. Use your inside voice If you know your voice carries, try using a softer volume when answering the phone or when talking to a coworker, especially in spaces where others are working.    How? Picture yourself in a library, a funeral home, or a crowded elevator – the physicality of these spaces often inspires us to use a quieter, softer tone.   2. Keep your hands at your side If you know your hands knock stuff over when you gesticulate, or you know your fidgeting makes an audible click with your pen, or if you know you use your pointer finger for emphasis, try minimizing that thing that could annoy others or cause inadvertent and unnecessary distress.    How? Keep your hands busy by holding on to a silent, intentional prop (like a coffee cup for example) instead of wagging your finger or clicking a pen.   3. State your assumptions It’s possible you’ve not thought about your self-awareness as assumptions about what others need to do. But in reality, self-awareness without self-management is putting the burden on others rather than taking accountability for ourselves. Try saying your assumptions out loud (in a safe space) so you can see what needs management.   How? “I’m direct – get used to me” Nope. Instead say “It’s my job as communicator to communicate in a way you can consume” “I’m a yeller – you just have to cover your ears” Nope. Instead say “It’s my job as communicator to prevent myself from assaulting someone else’s person with my vocal strength.” “I bore people with long, drawn-out monologues – it’s your role to listen to me drone on and on without interrupting or snoring” Nope. Instead say “It’s my job as communicator to engage my listener”